Ever notice how the homework you really don't want to do just kind of... disappears under the couch? Apparently, the federal government does the exact same thing when it comes to tracking school bullying.
So, while the military analysts are busy explaining how Russia's big spring offensive has basically stalled, Moscow decided to remind everyone of their default strategy: just blowing up civilian apartments.
Just when everyone thought the global economy was merely limping along, we decided to kick its other crutch away.
Just when everyone thought it was safe to open their wallets again, the world economy is taking another nose dive because we apparently can't have nice things.
The Justice Department just sent a spicy five-day ultimatum to all 50 states, warning local officials they could face actual prison time if noncitizens vote. Spoiler alert: election officials of all political stripes are absolutely not having it.
Just when health departments and universities thought they had figured out how to jump through the new administration's hoops, the rug got pulled.
Well, that was fast. After a quick round of mutual rocket-tag, the fragile truce between the U.S. and Iran is apparently dead in the water, at least according to the guy in charge.
So much for peace in our time. The fragile cease-fire in the Middle East just evaporated overnight in a massive exchange of airstrikes, leaving Trump calling Iran's leaders "scum" and oil traders crying into their charts.
Just another casual morning in Kyiv, where starting the day means dodging ballistic missiles and taking Zoom calls from a concrete subway platform.
So, the federal government tried to turn the post office into a gatekeeper for who gets to vote. Thankfully, a judge stepped in to remind everyone that mail carriers have enough on their plate without auditing state voter rolls.
Nothing says "American patriotism" quite like flying to a national park library on a multi-million-dollar jumbo jet gifted to you by the royal family of Qatar.
Just when you thought the outdoors couldn't get any worse, there's a tick actively hunting people down in the US to force-convert them to vegetarianism.